Introduction
Divorce,
figuratively the fission of one combined heart back into two separate ones and
quite literally the termination of a marriage contract between a couple. This
is very easily done when there is just a couple involved, however things get
more complicated if there are offspring out of that specific wedlock. This
phenomenon splits the family members apart, throwing everyone into a disarray,
and children specifically do not know how to cope with this sudden change. It
is widely known that the offspring of divorced couples tend to lead a harder
life than their counterparts from happily married parents. I believe that
parents should only divorce if their misunderstandings prevent them all from
living a harmonious life. In this report, we investigate how drastically the
parental divorce of two participants affects them. We have interviewed two
different participants for our research, both males. One is a 17-year-old boy
from Denmark who has also lives there, and he studies innovation in college, we
shall call him participant A. The other one is 21 years old, Omani by birth but
had moved to Tanzania after his parents’ divorce, and he currently studies in
HTC in Oman, this one is participant B. I chose these participants to
specifically amplify the differences in the effects of parental divorce on
different nationalities whilst keeping the genders constant. These specific
questions were asked to find out the way that these people lead their lives now
and their opinions on the matter so that we would get the basic insight of
their thinking process.
Body
Children from
divorced parents have a different pattern of growing up in comparison to
children from married couples, and it is important to investigate these factors
as we could be able to tell just how much stress is placed upon a certain
student’s shoulders, or how overwhelmed he/she feels, it could also be an
indicator of decreasing performance academically and psychologically, as well
as their interaction with their peers. Children that undergo this unfortunate
stage in their lives have no idea what to do and are often distraught, but some
rebound faster than others to their new lives. Opposers of divorce may proclaim
that staying together for the sake of the children gives the child exposure to
both the parents while growing up. This point may have some merit on the
surface. However, many children actually appreciate the fact that their parents
are free of the shackle that binds them together as they are able to live in a
less contentious environment and thus more able to focus on their lives, this
is highlighted by participant A as he says: “The children can also feel the
unhappiness off the couple”. There has found to be a certain relief accompanied
by children at the event of their parents’ divorce as it denotes less arguments
and yelling in the house. From a functionalist perspective, the main function of
divorce happens to be the separation of two individuals which are incapable of
living together as a couple thus throwing the children into a frenzy and
incapable of fending for themselves in the outer world, but from a conflict
perspective, we get to note that children from divorced families tend to stand
up on their feet earlier than the children from married couples and therefore
have more refined leadership and independent skills, they’re also capable of
making quicker and wiser decisions, and also mature more quickly. This statement
is further concurred by participant B, according to whom, moving to Tanzania
made him a better version of himself rather than staying in Oman. Participant A
also states that: “I also got more
of a sense of responsibility in terms of making plans for the family”. In terms
of the effect of divorce on both participants, participant A claims that he is
more affected by the divorce than participant B, and says that it caused him to
feel more alone, contrarily, participant B says that he’d travelled with his
mother to Tanzania with his mother who remarried, and so he didn’t really feel
the effects of divorce that harshly. This tells us that children feel more
lonely and negligent after the divorce and feel like nobody would care about
them If they don’t care about themselves first. In terms of sibling bonding,
participant A claims that he developed a more responsible stance towards his
younger brother and gave up just looking at him as “a person that lives in the
house that I can tease whenever”, as for participant B, his bond with his
brother never changed whenever they re-met each other, and they also never
argued and just had fun times with each other.
Conclusion
All in all, I believe that divorce should be executed if the differences
surpass the compromises. Surely divorce has lasting effects on the children but
some do rebound and eventually view life as normally as their peers, in
addition to a few divorce hurdles like transportation, accommodation and
academic performance. Parents can make their divorce much easier on their
children by establishing a proper moving schedule, giving them consistent
discipline and engaging in their academic life actively. Divorce should not be
a means isolation for the family, but rather a split of hand in managing the
family in a much more amicable way.
References
·
Morin,
A. (2021), The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children, LCSW, Very
Well Family, Retrieved from: https://www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170
·
What
are the effects of divorce on children, Retrieved from:
https://www.familymeans.org/effects-of-divorce-on-children.html#:~:text=Children%20who%20have%20experienced%20divorce%20have%20a%20higher%20perceptibility%20to,being%2C%20and%20deteriorating%20health%20signs.
·
Stephens,
C. (2020), 10 Effects of Divorce on Children and helping them cope,
HealthLine, Retrieved from: https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/effects-of-divorce-on-children
Appendix
·
The
17-year-old Danish male is participant (A)
·
The 21-year-old Omani-Tanzanian male is
participant (B)
1.
How has growing up without parents affected you?
Participant (A): “You learn a lot of different things, like to be on
your own more and to travel between your parents, get more of a choice, more
decision making, which is inhibited in children with married parents who are
being spoon-fed and they don’t get to make their own choice a lot. You’ll get
help from your parents and others, but you are forced to grow up quickly.”
Participant (B): “I have my mum
and my dad but they divorced and when they divorced I was six months old and my
mum took me to Tanzania with her and I wasn’t in contact with my dad for a
while so, instead my mother remarried a bit later and during my childhood I
just had my mum and she was enough for me and later on I also got a step dad I
never felt like something was missing and I never held anything against my real
dad. I know that divorce is a very sad occasion and there’s not something happy
about it but generally in my perspective I never really had any bad vibes about
it.”
2.
Do you think parents should set aside their differences and stay
together for the child’s sake?
Participant (A): “Nearly every
single couple that thinks about divorce rethinks their decision for the sake of
their children, but in the process, they end up getting more problems and
hating each other more and more, is experienced by me too, and that my parents
wanted to live together until they found their own place but they just kept
yelling at each other, so dad had to move out at his mum’s for a year till he
could move out. The children can also feel the unhappiness off the couple.”
Participant (B): “I think a
very important thing for them to consider before they make any big decisions
like staying together or breaking apart because their children’s well-being is
one constant and their happiness and their ability to like stay together that’s
also another factor.”
3.
How is your relationship with your siblings after the divorce?
Participant (A): “Divorce did
affect our relationship. My relationship with my brother changed a lot, before
the divorce I just thought of him as a person that lives in the house, a friend
that you could tease and annoy, but after the divorce, he became more of a
responsibility, and I started to care more for him, especially when I had to
travel back and forth to my dad’s place, I had to set him up as well on the
train 1.5 hours, and whenever he’s sad about something, I have to talk him out
of it instead of my parents.”
Participant (B): “My real
brother I never got to talk with him a lot because he stayed away with my dad
while I stayed with my mum so I never got in contact with him but when we did,
his my brother at the end of the day and I’m his brother so we always get
together and we never argue, we always had a good time whenever we are around
each other it was a thing before that and it’s the same right now so we are on
good condition.”
4.
How has your parents’ divorce affected your friendships?
Participant (A): “It hasn’t had
a big change in terms of hangouts and meetups with my friends, because I only
had to visit my dad once a week, but there was a little impact of weekend
plans, so I would have to time my meetups because of going to my dad’s place,
so I couldn’t get to lots of parties and hangouts. Emotionally and in terms of
making friends, it made me more aware of myself and secure, and I knew what to
do along with being more confident, I also got more of a sense of
responsibility in terms of making plans for the family (being the eldest) as my
mum also started asking me more questions of whether they should do this/that
along with projects, and I developed leadership skills too as a result and so
started leading my friends too. I also started getting more caring about my dad
and my dad was struggling with depression and he really was appreciative to me
being there for him, and it really showed me that I could impact adults even
though it seemed very unlikely as a child but you started to realize that too.”
Participant (B): Like I said I
was never really connected with my dad for a long, I guess that is one of the
things that I might have missed out because of the divorce, but the most
information that my friends knew were that my parents were divorced, and that’s
also the most information that I need.